Julie Griffiths asked experts to judge a would-be lawyer’s effort

Shayne Brown, a final-year law student at the University of Exeter, is hoping to use his degree in a government legal department. His ideal position would be in the Government Legal Service or the Home Office, helping to shape immigration policy. His appetite for government was whetted when he worked for the Department for Communities and Local Government in the summer before university.

“My dream job would be to be the head of a legal branch in a government department. That kind of position would mean I would be making important legal decisions and be able to help others,” he says. Brown hopes his CV indicates that he is someone who shows initiative and that he is a strong performer in a class of high achievers.

Denise Taylor, career coach at Amazing People and author of How to get a job in a recession
There are some great strengths to this CV. Shayne has relevant work experience and is on track for a good degree but he could make some changes to further improve his CV.

A two-sided CV is wordy and blocks of 11 lines of text mean that important information gets lost. A CV is given less than a minute on an initial review so the key facts must stand out. Putting the dates with a right-hand justification would break up the text and the cover letter will provide space to show how he matches up to the specific vacancy.

The section on work experience needs to be edited with anything irrelevant removed. He needs to be ruthless — what will sell him to the interviewer and what is padding? Among achievements listed, an English Prize goes back to year nine at school, and the LSE summer school was also pre-university. I would remove these. Some of the punctuation needs a review and in the positions of responsibility section there is an error. Two e-mail addresses can be confusing, so just go for one.

Finally I would remove the opening statement, which focuses on what he wants. Replace this with key strengths that can be adapted to suit the position he is applying for.

Robin Webb, principal CV consultant at CV Master Careers
First impressions are that, although the CV is clear and easy to read, it lacks impact. The structure could be improved, making better use of the top third of the CV. For example, it may be more effective to place details of school education in a separate section at the end of the CV, freeing up space on the first page for more important information.

The achievements section also takes up a lot of space and could be formatted better. In terms of the content, it might help if he thought about any work-based achievements to demonstrate the benefits he has brought to previous employers.

The work experience section is too narrative, making it hard for an employer to pick out key information quickly. Overall, the language used in the CV is good but I would always recommend writing in the third person to avoid the use of I and my. In my experience, a CV for a public sector application needs to be much more competency-based. I would suggest adding a key skills section to provide the necessary evidence.

Breda Power, general manager at TMP Worldwide, recruitment partner for the Government Legal Service
Like many public sector bodies, the legal service does not require CVs to be submitted as part of its online application process. But, regardless of individual application procedures, all legal employers look for evidence of the undergraduate’s skills, experience and motivation. Communication skills are vital in the legal profession so employers look for those who can express themselves clearly, persuasively and concisely.

A personal statement is a good idea but Shayne’s fails to convince. It needs rewriting so that it is not one long sentence, avoids tautology, clarifies his career aspirations and makes his strengths immediately obvious. There is mention of “crime reduction and prevention”, suggesting he is looking for a career in the police or probation service rather than wider central government.

Shayne has some good work experience and this should feature earlier as it has more relevance than his achievements. There are opportunities to focus on the skills he has gained that legal employers will look for: communication, teamwork and prioritising. He could also improve his CV if he found ways of demonstrating other qualities that legal employers seek, such as analytical ability, confidence, influencing skills, situational judgment and original thinking.

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